reality, reality
I've got to get more real with myself. Half the time, I know what I type here doesn't seem to be quite well..real. It's readable some of the time, yes but narrative? down to earth? I don't think so. But what the heck, I don't seem to be growing up anytime soon and I seriously doubt I'm going to be an 'aspiring writer' so, the style I'm using now hardly matters. Does it?
My thoughts will be a little scattered in this post as I'm hopping from blogging to Gaia to my assignment [pretty much abandoned I'm sorry to say] and yes, I have quite a short attention span. Gaia. It's this online forum thingy that requires you to create a little avatar for yourself so you become part of a 'little' avatar community. Why did I join it? I'm not sure myself. Must be that bored. Anyway, I've gone through a mass com test, two economics and accounts coursework test respectively and a bm presentation. That's just for the record. Will not elaborate further as presentation was nothing to shout about if not worth mentioning at all - my public speaking skills are that bad..haha.
I leave to start yet another week at college tomorrow! Pray I am shall not be cloned into one of them by the time I'm out.. 0_o
Ja! Oyasumi...

i want to draw
At the moment, I can honestly say I'm going crazy. I don't believe it's the so called 'pressure' of next week's presentation or even the 'anxiety' of another week ended. Yes, in five minutes it will be tomorrow. I will be setting out for college and resuming what I left behind last Saturday. To say I'm tired would be correct but inadequete. I don't feel tired or exhausted only, maybe a little drained. Of what, I've yet to find out.
For once, I'm not talking to anybody. I've left my messenger off. I want to talk but not that way, I guess. Not tonight. Like I said, I'm going crazy. Not in the right sense of mind to chat properly. Meh, this is not helpful.
So! I'll just say how I've shamefully abandoned this blog while others have let their's flourish. Alas! My literary abilities seem to have abandoned me. How tiresome. Therefore, whosoever reads this is forced to sit through roughly a paragraph of boring accountings of my memories for the past..um..nevermind how long.
Last Thursday, I finally went on a ramble of KL. We were actually on a quest to quench our thirst for the knowledge of body art for aforementioned presentation. Went quite well, actually. I even got a free mehendi pattern drawn around my arm during an interview with the lady who owns an indian bridal shop. Was also sorely tempted to get a tattoo but, the price made it a goal currently unreachable.. T_T as for piercings..I did briefly consider getting a second piercing but then decided against it. Too troublesome for one..and my last piercings didn't heal to rapidly either. Snapped a few shots against scenic KL background for my friends but unfortunately, windows XP service pack2 is being an a** and won't let me install my camera program so am unable to upload photos and send them over. This is by no means a graceful ending but, I'm running short of time and have suddenly realised I still need to finish the work that has been staring me in the face for the full hour I've been slacking now. Will update next time.. haha.

I'm a big big girl in a big big world..
haha..yeah, I'm back from that big bad old hostel! nah, just kidding. It's not that bad really once I get over all the homesickness and stuff. [What am I talking about??? Taking a shower there stinks! No place like home! >p] So! I was there since last Monday. I spent my first night there and boy, was I homesick! Pretty sad, huh? Tuesday was the first day of my orientation. That's when they taught us freshies the 'welcome clap' reserved specially for the entrance of the board members of our college. Kinda sent me reeling back into primary school days..lol. Oh, and on this first day, I was silly enough to leave a vital document in my hostel room and so had to walk all 10 minutes back to get it. >_<
Well, once orientation was done it was back to the hostel for me. Not the best place to hang out alone cause after a while, even someone like me starts getting a leetle claustrophobic. Basically, it kinda felt like jail. :p I brought one story book which I must've picked up and put down a dozen times [and more!] because, much as I love reading and much as I like that book, how long can I take to read it ?[not to mention re-read!] So that's the most boring, sickening day of this week, I guess. haha..first time away from home with no friends, no computer and no television [which I had become *so* dependant on during my "break"]
Had a free day on Wednesday. Decided to go along with a friend to get all our student IDs and whatsoever stuff done. But first, I had to go get some passport sized photos. My poor friend was dragged all the way down to the nearest shops with me.. ^^' In the end, we managed to get back to the college by about 10am and get it all done by 12 noon. By then, she left to go watch a movie with her boyfriend so I was bored. Again. Lol. Oh yeah, thanks to everyone who messaged me on this day! It was very encouraging! ^_^ Yeah, Chelle, I did go on to KLCC in the end. I love the people who put Kinokuniya there! ^.^ They were my saving grace..lol! And I now confirm that I love trains more than buses eventhough the bus driver was nice enough to send me back to the college though I was on the wrong bus, I think..heh.. ^^" Anyway, I hope I'll be a little better with bus numbers and stuff but, knowing me, it'll take a few more trips and a few more times of getting lost.. -_-'
What do you know! 'Lepak therapy' really works for a loiter-addict like me. It actually cured my homesickness [somewhat] and I felt much better by Thursday. ^_^ Thursday was also a free day for me so I acted as a "tour-guide" for two of my friends, who are from out of town, on a trip to Jaya Jusco! [me, tour-guiding..hahahahaha..] This time, we tried out the college bus and wasted half and hour waiting for it. Sigh. Nothing much to say, except they got the mini-boiler they wanted.. >D
And..Friday, I'm in love! lol..not really..but I'm home! ^_____^ I missed everything so much and the thought of Saturday classes and the ammount of time I'm going to be away makes me miss it more.. T_T But since I'm home now, I shall make the most of it. When I'm there, I'll try to rely on Cyber-cafe's to provide me with the much-needed internet but til then, I may enjoy.. :D Ja! All the best, guys!

a moment to untie the mask
I should be tired. But I'm not. Last Friday, my mom recieved a call from one of my aunts with the news that my grand-uncle had passed away. I was playing the piano till the call came. And all I remember feeling is like I did the last time. Detachment. I don't believe it. This life is not my own.
Reality hit me that night when we went to his home and the first sight that greeted me was the scene of a chinese memorial service. The sound of Taoist ritual music. Then there were all these relatives I'd hardly seen all these years. I just found it sad that it takes a funeral to bring everyone together.
To say that I wasn't and am not sad about this would be a lie. Yet, my lack of tears shed made me question my self.

I don't think I'll continue. But don't worry, guys, life is still normal on this end.

-Forgetting isn't removing a memory, it's just what we don't think about or dwell upon- just a thought.

udpdate!
Since I haven't updated in such a very long time, let me describe a wonderfully unplanned Monday from my fascinating life! Let's see, the morning was spent on finishing up chores previously abandoned during the weekend. At about 2pm, my dad 'invited' me for a nice drive up to KL to pick up my aunt from Singapore. Hmm..ok, sounds good, pick her up, get back home and delve right back into the wonderful bliss that doing nothing brings. Everything went as planned, we picked up my aunt in a mere 30 minutes or less and then after a bit of small talk in the car, they decided that it would be more convenient to drive straight to the hospital so my aunt could visit my grand-uncle [who is suffering from colon-cancer, those who have the time are welcome to pray for him, thanks.] and at the same time meet my other aunt there so she can pass her some letters. Still not too bad. I mean, I don't mind visiting my grand-uncle.. so time spent there is alright. We wait, and wait a little more and my other aunt shows up! So, we linger there awhile more and try to help out a little [entertain my grand-uncle and help him get stuff he needs] after all, the hospital environment is depressing. All you see is plain colours around you, nothing seems remotely familiar or comforting [made me wish I could re-paint the walls or something. Maybe stick glow-in-the-dark stickers on the ceiling.. heh] By the time they decide to leave, it's about 5pm, I've as good as missed my Thai series anyway so, oh well. Then my aunt from Singapore mentions she's hungry and the other aunt asks if we want to go visit her place. Ok, another little reroute, we go pick up my grand-aunty and go for erm...tea? Yeah, I ate but I got the feeling afterwards that I shouldn't have..lol. But I liked the iced tea from that place. They put condensed milk in it, something I haven't tasted in a while.. ^^ Oops! It starts to rain and we didn't bring any umbrellas with us. Now we wait and the adults start talking about taxpaying. I was listening but it just makes me think I do NOT want to think about it til I have to.. @_@
The rain finally stops and we drop off my aunt and grand-aunty before heading off to find our way home. So confidently we went! Alas, roads are more confusing than we think and so we spend the better part of our time figuring out which way to turn to get home. This time, I've missed my 6 o' clock TVB series and part of my 7 o' clock one as well. Oh look, the tank is low..let's stop by a petrol station. Don't worry, we're relatively near home now. And so I arrive home close to 7pm. Boy, am I tired...

Oh yeah, on the brighter side, I got an mp3 player! ^_^v

a whole lotta roadsigns i never knew existed
nah, i just never really paid attention before, that's all. probably seen them along the road but never really cared. wonderful citizen, i know. ;)
this morning, i got up at 7am to make it to my friend's place where the driving instructor would pick us up at 8am. the place is at PJ, we got there on time with time to spare even after doing all the registration business.
I'm only thankfull because the lecturer i got for the 5 hours of "hell" so-called, made it pretty bearable. a funny guy, really nice. kept injecting doses of his own anecdotes here and there, life experiences and such..lol. but still, 5 hours is a long time to spend listening to one topic straight with your butt on a hard chair >_<
and since i chose to sleep late the night before, i was under a bout of yawn-attack. you know, every 5 minutes, *yawn* i think i'm getting pretty known for this.. bad... T_T
nevermind that, anyway, five hours was over and thankfully, again, it started about 20 minutes late with a half hour lunch break. shh..i am supposed to have done 5 hours.. :p by the time i got home, [with a little dilly-dallying in between..time flies when you're doing nothing usefull] it was about 3pm. i only planned to rest lying on my bed a little while but, konked out for 2 hours.. kyaa..was tireder than i thought.
now, i'm finishing off my day typing this after having watched 'The In-Laws'. Great movie..really funny. should let you guys watch it.. :)
*yawn* ja! oyasumi....*yawn*

who i am, i am
elo! i realize the time frames are getting wider and wider in between my posts mostly because i either am simply not inspired to type or am not in the mood [which may add up to the same thing to some].
that settled, my dad was driving me home today and we passed my old school. opposite the school, that faithful food vendor/van was parked, catering food for those who stayed back after school or played basketball in the evenings. my dad asked me if it was there always to which i agreed then erupted into minor complaints about the school canteen and how they would not cater to us on weekends when we had co-curriculur activities. somewhere along my train of thought came a memory of my primary school headmaster. a very nice man, i'd never heard him shout. when he retired, i remember the occasion and how sad most students and teachers were but that's not really the point today. the point is, not long after his retirement, we saw him serving the students at the school canteen. i remember this because i felt very awkward as to whether to call him 'cikgu'[teacher] as i used to or 'pak cik' [uncle]..heh. all this just made me wonder if the current headmistress of my ex-highschool would ever do the same - serve in the canteen, that is. i can't picture it and somehow, it made me respect that retired headmaster from my primary school even more. so much for nostalgia.. :)
leading on, i have been doing nothing much but playing a computer game [occasionally.. *looks innocent*] and downloading music and manga lately. oh, and settling my college stuff. sheesh, it costme a little irritation for a while but now it's done! [i hope -_-] now to resume on my usual existence! ^^ ja!

living in the dark theatre
yeah, i wish! lol..but considering how backward i usually am in the circle of moviegoers, 3 movies watched in a week seems not bad effort at all to me.. :D [self praise is no praise~] Anyway, i recommend 'Hitch', a hilarious romantic-comedy. no spoilers here but, just watch it even if you don't like romance ^_~
Finally saw 'Constantine', i liked it but it would have been better if i'd caught it on the big screen. instead, it was sadly viewed through a badly copied dvd :S bummer. down with all lousy pirating! [if you're going to make money pirating, do it properly!!] right, no points for me anywhere with the kementrian here no more..woops! ;P
Erm...what else did i catch? right, since it was my brother's birthday, we took a trip to Times Square and caught 'Lemony Snicket:Tale of Unfortunate Events'. Not a bad effort but not one of my favourites either despite all the rant about the wonderful views it takes you through. Nope, my highlight of this day is, i finally found Arena Komik issue 2!! ^_^ i guess i know where to come back to next month.. >D

o-kay! anyway, i've been kinda obsessed with that Numa Numa song as of yeterday.. ^^" nope, never really was a big fan of dance tracks but that one's really catchy..*dances Numa Numa* :p Getting so lazy nowadays. not having a proper schedule is turning my life upside down after all..kinda. yeah, then when i get to college, i'll complain bout not having enough free time. just can't win, can you? ^_~" kay, gonna go now. Ja!

Another notch up
yesterday, SPM was officially over for me.. we finally collected our results and emotions ran amok. tears of joy, disappointment, frustration and loads of others flowed freely from some. others caught up with one another or discussed plans for the future. i was of the latter. that may have been the last time i set foot in that geometrically square 'house of learning'. or at least the last time i would meet so many people from my batch there. the next time i met most of them will probably be at college functions or perhaps even further in the future at work, each with our own jobs. [speaking of which, i terminated my contract last wednesday, day before i went to collect my results..i'm technically free now.. ^^]
anyway, my own results were nothing to shout about. i suppose i did moderately well though a few might wish to point out their mediocrity. but, in the perspective of the question a discerning friend posed to me, 'are you satisfied?' i can honestly reply, 'yes, i am.' nothing too great, yet the two years spent in learning which led up to this has not been wasted. it has broadened my perspective if not my interest in science.. [hopeless, i know..lol ^_~]
i tasted a little of how it was to be "on-my-own" in a sense and surviving two years, i hope some sliver of maturity has been knocked into me [not! >D]well, nothing more to say accept, i've got my credits to get into college [lol] i'll be weighing out my choice of courses again [praying hard to make the right desicion] and hoping to stay in touch with all you guys!
hey, CONGRATULATIONS ALL OF YOU! you guys did really well..i'm so proud.. ^^
i wish you guys all the best and [once again *rolls eyes at self*] thanks so
much for all the support! make your desicions, get into college of uni,
do your best and, if you need to unwind a little, do call.. ^_~ ja ne!

of spring cleaning and mandarin oranges
i'm the last person to say anything about spring cleaning cause i've hardly been any help at all, especially this year. still i chaffe everytime i feel i've been robbed of some, or all, of my computer time each day. *hugs computer* i miss these moments..heh ^^
this chinese new year's eve i'm not doing much in particular. we'll be having a steamboat dinner afterwards [homedone not restaurant ^_~] just my immediate family...all about family reunion and togetherness isn't it, all these traditions? this year, i'm not going to dwell on it considering my less than celebratory mood since last christmas. Anyway! Happy Chinese New Year to all of you, whether you're celebrating it or not! ^_^
ano...i don't really have much elseto say. that was my sole reason for this post, really. to wish all of you a happy CNY and to give some indication i'm alive, i guess after that "near-death" experience last friday.. X_x lol! no, seriously, boredom kills..! you know those passing remarks about getting paid to sit on your ass all day? well, it kinda happened and it's *not* as great as you might think! rotting away for almost the entire day in an icebox [ooh, they even preserve your corpse!lol >_< i'm kidding!] is not good for your mental health... ok, time to store that not-so-great memory in my little library of memories.. ^^ nothing more now, *toasts everyone wih shandy* ja ne!

haii..wakateru [yes..i know]
chotto matte kudasai [plaese wait a moment]
Tadaima! lol..i know, i know..a sudden burst of "too many" japanese words but i kinda felt like it today ^^" why are there two titles this time? well, i just felt that both pretty much sum up most of my thought vocab for the past week or so when asked or told to do chores..-_-" aside from that, it has no real significance so, please pay no more attention to it.. >D
after being 'gone' for that little..um..period of time(?), what have i been up to? well, like i mentioned in my last post, i've been working [tedious..now i know some of the working life..lol] and not having any inspiration for drawing up til last week [yay! ^_^] and before that i was trying to work on my little fanfic but it seems to have put itself on hold now so sigh.. and last weekend, my cousins from Penang came down. Was happy to see them but i missed Jessie's birthday...and so though she won't see this, Happy birthday, Jessie! heh..
anyway, about my cousins last Saturday, we met up at my other cousin's house which is in Klang, dumped all "kids" [15 and below and all guys] in the house while the adults and my other cousin went shopping at Jaya Jusco [whee..that sounds like something i wrote in primary school T_T] and all i want to say about that trip is, i got two blouses and a pair of earrings all for below 30 dollars! >D yes,i'm easy to please..[sometimes] hehe.. that's also because i haven't felt that shoppermania exhiliration in a while.. *_*
on a saner note, that Saturday was also the Saturday that Sho boarded a plane back to NZ.. >_< e-mail often,k, Sho?? i miss you!!
on a sidetrack, i've watched animes 'Sakon' and 'Lament of the Lamb' courtesy of Mel. Arigato gozaimas! me likes 'Lament of the Lamb'... it's a short but interesting and rather deep "series" [four episodes] with and abstract feel to it. lovely ending song too.. ^^ might start watching Gilgamesh today if i have extra energy to stay up..heh.. guess that's all.. ja! sayonara!

p/s - no work on Friday! yeah! ^_______^

new beginning..?
First day of the new year. Happy New Year, everyone... congratulations, we survived 2004. Well, to my friends, i'm glad to have known you guys! Life wouldn't have it's bright colour without you and though all these sounds really cheesy, i'm keeping it here anyway [while resisting the strong urge to press down on that 'backspace' button] cause i guess i do need [and want] to let you guys know what a difference you make time and time again. thanks.. :)
And speaking of colouring life, 2004 has become another chapter to add to my life. It is by no means just another chapter to me cause, after all, i believe it to be the year out of which i learnt the most. A lot of 'growing up' came out of this year and though i may not like it and hate to exit that rainbow bubble of childhood i stayed in for so long, i guess it was waning away, as bubbles do, and it's time for me to face some of reality. I'm only glad God had the grace to let it to me slowly as stubborn as i am. >_< But once again, the question comes up, 'where will i go?' away from the 'haven' that was school [hah!] that's for sure but, now what? The question of colleges/universities still hasn't gone away since i haven't chosen and still stand unsure which path to follow. That's what becomes of being a 'jack of all trades but master to none' in this world where you have to be good or even, better than most to succeed. I don't know...maybe i'm being a tad bit too pessismetic in my views here.
Leaving school meant leaving a world in which you could live with everything dictated for you, your mind blissfully shutting off that need to direct and instead just follow as required in the system. I have drifted in that river too long. Breaking away is almost never easy and it requires a lot of effort which i don't seem to be putting in enough of. Instead, i've taken a job at Mel's aunt's company. Thanks, Mel, though i don't like it much [lol..if they knew my mantra of '$$ dollars, $$ dollars...'] but at least i know what it's like now and yeah, gained some of that 'experience' we're supposed to.. :p
In short, no, i haven't given up on life and what it can yield. Though i won't be able to retain exactly who i was and all that naivete, i believe that me as a person is like an unfinished jigsaw. I'll keep discovering those other pieces as i go along and appreciate them too! ^^ And at the moment, there's still that little nagging question to consider...bugger!
My new year resolution is to realise what i wanna do!!! ^^ Have a blessed New Year.

The Night before Christmas, there were bells and proms...
^_^" another of my nonsensical titles... but yes, i must speak of the Prom Night that happened on the night of the 22nd! Of course, preparations were made [rather rushed and done last minute on my part], buying the dress, cutting my hair [lol...this one was just coincidence since i needed a haircut anyway..] and makeup *sweatdrop*. Then, of course my forgetfullness had to kick in on this day so i ended up getting dressed, going all the way to Mel's house to dump my bag and stuff there [for the sleepover after the prom] and then realise that i forgot to bring Regina's and my own prom tickets... -_-" so, i waited at Gina's house [since i was going there with her] and my mom came to the rescue, first finding then delivering the prom tickets to me. Phew! Made it to Holiday Villa in the end, waited with everyone else for about an hour for it to begin... when it did, there was an annoying MC, loads of bands [unknown, yeah, but with a little touch up here and there, they just might make it..] some had their instruments drowning out the actual singing while a few were pretty good. then to dinner, a few more bands and th finale...dancing! lol...i had fun even if i can't really dance.. :p let the energy go! ^^
the sleepover after was fun, duh... we canceled the plan to go for mamak but it was alright, talking all night at Mel's place is good too [which is what we would've done at a mamak stall anyway, talk all night i mean.] loads of "interesting" ideas came up [potentials for nightmares i don't even want to discuss them! :p] and i figure we all got about 3-4 hours of sleep tops. dang, let's do it again! >D
Now, Christmas Eve... well, i wish you all out there Merry Christmas! Pray you're all well and jolly...stay happy though i know it can be tiring but have a blessed, blessed day! Cheers!

p/s - i know my account of the prom night and sleepover is pretty lousy but i just can't get myself typing today... T_T sorry!

still sleepwalking?!? wake up, baka!
so i never did get back to stretching out the length of that after-SPM post but i reread it and figured it suited my mood perfectly at that moment so it stays. i don't think it's been a very long while since after SPM but, everything seems different now. of course that feeling is reinforced by the absence of a maid in my household [she left around the end of my exams] but, doing chores is not the only change. now, the push to grow up has gotten a little stronger. it's all becoming a little confusing again but, that's life, ne? that's growing up and ,hopefully, growing stronger in learning how to cope, experience, enjoy. college hopping has been on for me throughout this year but in a way, i never took it too seriously before my exams were over. at that time, the focus was on the exams itself. now the focus has shifted along with the lifted pressure but this shoft of focus isn't allowing me to enjoy freedom entirely either. and yes, it so happens again that, now that i have time to draw, write fanfiction or whatever else artistic i wanted to during this year, i don't. i don't know why either...it's just that, i spend my days doing all sorts of things except those things i metioned and then, at the end of the day, i just haven't done anything. [sounds weird? yeah, now you know who i am]
but then again, no matter how much i seem to whine here [lol..whiny me..never thought about it before! :p] life isn't really that bad. i mean, i have gone out on trips ["too many" as shosh, mel and chelle will remind me, ne? -_- but it's only been 1 trip!] went to watch 'Alexander' at Summit again, 'The Incredibles' as a family outing [wasted money on teensy weeny A&W burgers.. -_-"] and then the church Youth Camp to Broga [the place is a little past Kajang and that's all i know..heh] pretty fun cause i loved the physical sport they had there..flying fox, obstacle course [i managed to get past the Tarzan swing without falling into the water! yay! ^^] and the high ropes [my favourite..^^]. And, yeah, met a new friend there [now i sound like a kindergarden kid..lol] cause i hadn't been attending youth meetings for about 4-5 months now and she started coming after i stopped. So the three days there were just right [one day to get settled, one day to play all the stuff and one day to pack up and leave.. :p] and when i got back, i was beat! didn't realise i was aching all over til i actually got back.. >_< then on Sunday, went to visit one of the UTAR branches with Regina [dipped into a magazine store for a while and got 6 Kreko magazines in a pack ^_^] and then today. end of story. but, nope, haven't decided what i want to do with my life, haven't decided which college to dump myself in so for now, i'll just go on living and eating chocolate, shall i? *cheers to utter randomness* ja, oyasumi!

p/s - WELCOME BACK, Shosh! i'm so sorry i still haven't seen you yet but i'm sure it'll be soon!!! and happy belated birthday too.. :D

and PAAAAAAAARRTTAYYY!!!
lol..nah, i'm actually not that crazy. yes, my days of SPM are over. finis. poof. heh..and crazy as this may sound [for someone who was seemingly waiting for this day a month ago], my feelings aren't quite as filled with the essence of joy as they should be. sure, my actions are a little crazy [screaming on top of my lungs after being dared to by weevern after the exam, heading straight to Summit to watch 'Shutter'] but they don't seem to be that real. ah well, it'll sink in after i've had a nice looooooooong while of freedom ^___________^ of course that means i'll just continue where i "left off". back to fanfiction, going out, drawing and wasting time. hah..i think i'll revise this post some other time. strangely not in the mood to post >_< [not a true blogger person..ack!] ja!

oops! ^_~
i know i said i wouldn't be on til after SPM but... just can't resist..heh heh.. T_T
well, what is this liddle blog for anyway but as a place for me to channel all my crazy moods and moments.. ;P
well, all i wanna say is, i'll be FREE after this! muahahahaha! no more annoying, stressful science papers [already no more physics, add maths and history! ^_______^] from now, four more papers : moral, EST, Chem n Bio. 'after SPM' is all that's keeping me going at the moment so..whoever approaches me this week, warning, you're not going to find a sane person.. @_@ ja ne! ^^

*off topic - eheh..i'm nuts. this could be taking obsession a lil too far [in this case, it's my obsession with the new Prince of Tennis ending song : Wonderful Day] i actually spent time online tonight not only searching for that song but 16 other songs as well just so i could burn them into a cd..^^" oh, and yes, my speakers are down..AGAIN..T_T

the speed of one week
i was taken by some form of panic attack the other night when i realised i had about 1 week more to go.. >_< good thing i could still sleep! heh.. so, i'm going to try and make this my last post [at least till that dreaded exam is over] and bury myself in books on some secluded mountain somewhere...lol..that's not going to happen! but seriously, the weeks just fly by these days. the last time i checked, there were roughly 2 and a half weeks more. now there's only one... T_T
...kneel,pray,breathe,write...
and i can't stop worrying.. no point in staying online much longer then.. sore ja! and good luck to all who are about to sit for SPM!


Dark shadow. Something has drawn you into darkness
in the past, and you're now trying to get out
of it. The darkness is already inside you, and
getting it out will be hard, but if you try,
maybe one day you can be who you want to be
again. Don't give in!!!

What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

omoshiroi, ne? ^^"

rock on, be in one with the beat
i read somewhere that music heals but it depends on what kind of music. rock music ,apparently, damages more than it heals [it also says that's why most teenagers are a little deranged..lol... nah, i can't remember exactly what they said so..] Odd since i use rock music as an outlet for those crazy days of confusion. the beats let me just focus on them, takes energy out of the flames of anger.. and then, there's those with lyrics that help. depresive lyrics but, inspiring [sometimes not in the right way but, heck, it works, ne?]

...

ano... i started out with that draft but can't remember what i'm supposed to follow it up with..? [probably i didn't know at that time either so... eheh] nyaa...tired.. nasi lemak does not give you energy.. -_-
anyway, today is the first day of 'puasa' for the those of islamic religion so, must keep that in mind and NOT commit any faux passes [eating/drinking in front of them... not only is it not polite, it's also mean.. -_-"] i forgot twice today so, so sorry to both my friends i 'tested'! *bows repeatedly* since this will be going on for a month, must remember must remember must remember...
oh, and since weevern seems to have started a chain reaction by almost having a 'nervous breakdown' in school today, i need to release that. as my parting shot today, WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*whoa..feels great* ^_~

...Sakura sae kaze no naka de yurete...
hah..that song's in my head now... nice.. ^^ [ne, chelle, it makes me think of your video.. just thought i'd mention that fact.. ^_^]anyway, it was another one of those funny days in which i start of thinking i'm tired but i'm so happy..lol.. so who says i have to start the day happy first? sometimes it's a gradual thing.. ^^ [i'm not sure if that's a good thing for the rest of you though.. ^^" gomen...]
but here's some not so nice news, after just finishing trials about a week ago, we now have a series of minor 'tests' the whole of next week [at least for me..*sniff*] and we had one today. BM and Bio..fun...yeah right. didn't feel like taking it at all so i just wrote a whole bunch of rubbish in there. i don't know. i should take this stuff seriously but i don't. geez. then, got back literature results.. ok, teacher was pretty merciful so, thank God! didn't do too badly but, will have to do better next time...hehe
wow..my keyboard/comp seems fast today.. at least it's taking commands faster than usual.. good comp.. ^^ right, erm...that was off track..warui -_-'
cycling in the rain. tiny sparkles of water fall on you, keeps the air cool, makes things a hazy blur... makes for interesting thinking atmosphere. [at least for slightly off the rocker people like me.. -_-']Anyway, that was what i did today cause i lingered in chelle's house after tuition a little too long.. eheh.. so, by the time i decided rain or no rain i have to leave, it was 6:30pm. nothing much to it.. just, i'll probably try that again some day just for fun. my remedy to days lost of playing in the rain without a care in the world.. *splash splash* ja! sayonara.. ^^

Run away, run away
What does one do when one is running and comes face to face with a wall? Turn and run in the other direction. Face to face with a boulder? Run around it. Friend in need? ... -stop- ...
i have to learn to stop running away from hostility, no matter how much like a blank wall it seems. I look back now and think, maybe i lost a friend because i was afraid of the hostility she showed once. just once and i left it. i admit, i didn't contact her again and i don't know if things could've been any different. if i could have salvaged a drifting friendship. i know, it takes two to tango, it takes two for a handshake, a conversation, a friendship. if she wanted to continue our friendship she might've called me but, sometimes it doesn't work that way.
I'm not looking back and regretting the past but, i think i should've learnt from that. hostility or frigidness doesn't mean that a friendship is over, so, gotta stop running away, take a deep breath and start walking. or maybe i should just run into it...! itai.. >_<"